LEAVING LOVED ONES BEHIND Monday September 26, 2005

Tonight I’m a little awry of what’s to become of me health wise. I can’t help but be a little frightened. Nowhere to run- I stand still just paralyzed from shock all the time. I’m constantly clouded about my future and very unsure where things are heading. I can sometimes over consume my whole entire thought processes with confusion, sadness, disappointment, frustration, disillusionment, fear, low levels or even no concentration and depression. I can’t make sense of this breast cancer. I’m very clouded most of the time with thoughts of what will I do after radiation, if recurrence occurs or how long I even to have survive. I dread the thought of leaving any loved ones behind. I don’t want any of them to be sad. I just want them to know that I loved them with all my heart and will love them for eternity. Who knows- maybe there’s eternal life in heaven and we’ll all be up there together one day. I know for sure- we’ll always and forever be together- ALWAYS! I have learned that life is so very short and to live it to the fullest with God always in your heart and soul. He looks for everyone. Do a lot of that’s good in your heart and soul also. Like the ten commandments. Plus, there’s much more not mentioned like share your unique spirit to the fullest and constantly expand your horizons. Our world goes on and on. For all I know, I can have three years, 286 days, 18 hours, 38 minutes and 52 seconds left on earth. Or I can be conked by a meteor left on earth. Or I can be conked by a meteor from space in three hours from now. Who knows. Only God knows. Remember to live life to the fullest!

DRIVING AROUND SAD 04-07-08

Driving around town makes me sad. People are so strange when a snarly glare is really ridiculous. The psychotic part of me wants to beat them blue and black but the decency side of me brushes it off like dirt on the floor and swept in the garbage. Except sometimes I’m the garbage disposal. I let it fill up to deep sorrow and pain that makes me wish people weren’t so mean. there’s no reasoning for any such nonsense. I can tell you this, with my power of prayer I hope when I pray for them that next time I see them they’re happy.

ARGUING: RANDOM UNDATED

Arguing against too much growth set back the greedy. They wanted more and more till they finally realized that there was nowhere to build except 125 degree deserts with no access to water. Either it was too flooded with terrible water or absolutely no water at all. Earth choked and head seizures left and right finally dying and becoming just a star. Where’s my galaxy going next?

Presidiential race- does stock market go down during presidential race?

CANCER RANDOM THOUGHTS UNDATED

LOVE. I I give my cancer to you and I’m grateful. Gods will-free will. Freedom of Choice. Give that pain to him when you cry. Choice to Gods will- that’s freedom- he’s generous- have freedom of will. Choose good or evil. I didn’t want to do anything verses Gods will. I’m sorry I disappointed you God. Repent. For God to give one free will is a gift.

EARTH IS NOT MY HOME March 11, 2008

I feel like I don’t belong here on earth. It’s like being somewhere you don’t belong or like how you’re at someplace you don’t fit in and you’d rather just want to go.