WHAT'S CHANGED SINCE AFTER CANCER? January 5, 2006 4:11 a.m.

I’m much more sensitive. No I’ve always been sensitive. Okay, I know that life is precious and time goes by rather fast. At the beginning I was scared and optimistic about how long I had to live. Now, I’m just taking everyday as not only a blessing but a chance to experience something new as much as possible. Yeah there’s a possibility that I might not as well. I took this realization that I should never have feared in the first place because God watches you and even protects us all. My will to live from now on depends on me and me only. I have to have a positive attitude and outlook in everything I see, do or hear. I am my own bodies fuel to survive. I supply my own fuel to my own bodies strength, endurance and maintenance. I feed it, I care for it, I nurture it, I strengthening it, I maintain it and I give it its own resources. Essentially, I am my own keeper of my own body. I can’t rely on anyone else to do so either. I’m not a puppet hanging by some strings. I have arms to feed myself with healthy meals and vitamins, I have two legs to exercise with, I have a heart pumping with blood and a mind of my own to a do all these things. Also, I’m more accepting of my death (inevitable one) as well. We all meet our keeper some day and often we don’t want to believe it. I’ve learned to accept my fate and that each opportunity to this day is an indulging experience to grow. What’s changed about me lately too is that I’m more careful about being around others who are sick so that I don’t get sick. I do appreciate my hair a lot more- losing my hair to chemo was very hard. I’m more understanding of what other women with breast cancer go through. Before, I never even mentioned or thought about cancer. I thought heart disease and diabetes were my main health concerns. I realize that yes I have gone through chemo, surgery of both breasts removed and radiation- but there are so many more people in much more critical or even serious conditions than mine. I suffered some but it was nowhere near what Jesus Christ himself endured. I never would wish cancer on anyone- not even on my worse enemies- as if I have tons. I think in a weird way- cancer also saved my life as well. I believe I was a dead woman walking before with no positive attitude, depressed most of the time, confused about life itself and living without God, Jesus Christ, Mary, Joseph in your true heart. Now I want to live life to the fullest and make the most of everything/everyone!