A very beautiful first day of 2006. I played poker with Jaye, Duval, Jerry, Indian Dave, Dawn and bear. It was fun. I went all in with a Q &A and got took out of the game. Really fun though. They were all getting drunk except Dawn and I. Mom, Mark, Jaye, Duval, Joe, Braden, Nikolai, Braden Jr., Beck, Amy, Jerry, Dawn, Shep, Betty, Bobby, Jack, Shasta, Indian Dave, babe and I were all there. Jame had to work so she was in Tacoma. I missed her there. Dawn made me a beautiful card made right from the heart. I thought it was nice. Christmas was really really fun. I got me a new purse, Patrick socks, orange wallet, coal bucket with lotion, sponge & perfume, pink slippers, Oprahs DVD, Dave Chappeles 2nd CD, two trance music CD’s and two candies, pink blanket, toothbrush and refills/candles, camera, memory card for camera, printers for camera, pink card thing (rolodex) playboy purse, coke money can, socks, sweats, candle, eye cover, wooden thing from jame, $20 casino from jame…well those are my main things. I think mom was kind of sad she only got bath stuff- well mostly bath stuff anyways. Everyone could tell. That kind of hurt. It was a very fun Christmas having the whole family there and celebrating Jesus’ birthday.
On my last day of radiation I was very emotional thinking- well I was visually seeing Dawn and Duval downstairs at the Onstar cancer place remembering how beautiful it was having them there by my side. It was like I was emotionally happy and sad mixed together. I was sitting in the Coco’s parking lot writing their cards just crying hysterically thinking I’m going to miss being with them everyday. Also, thinking they’d probably miss me and going and doing stuff. I’m glad radiation is over though. I will miss Sarah- she’s really nice. Beck and Amy were hurt that Braden didn’t make an effort to do any Christmas shopping- well not much anyways. It was rather hurtful. I’m going to miss watching Starting Over with mom.
Gawd I really enjoyed being home. It was nice even with Mark in the way. It wasn’t t hat great him being t here but it was nice being with my family. David I had a fight about me just wanting to spend ALL my time with them. That I love them more. That’s not true- I love with every ounce my time alone to do my own things, my own breathable space, my relationship time with bear, watching TV with babe and healthy meals with bear. He said he’ll probably have some time off for a short time then he’ll have to go back to work. Then he’s like fine- just go to your family’s. I ended up coming home and spending time with him. I know he gets lonesome. I don’t want to hurt him or make him feel unloved. I just want him to be happy. My family thinks he’s a little too much and not that great to me all the time. I hear both sides and only try to steer them with the yeah but then the plead the good/bad viewpoints.
Jenna has been alright. Alright I’m referring to myself. I’m okay with everything and steadily trying to return to normalcy. Back to living anyways and not being scared. I have no idea what the year ahead entails. I know it’ll be living, loving, learning, enjoying, working, creating, smiling, absorbing, fascinating, pushing, and going forth with everything .
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