OVERKNOWING CANCER AND INEVITABLE OCCURANCES October 20, 2005 10:42 p.m.

I thought about the fear of unknown just like the lady who also had breast cancer on TV. That’s one of my concerns is the fear of not knowing how well I’m doing, how my life has been shortened by how much, am I going to be alright after radiation and constantly aware of whats going on with my body, I don’t over concern myself though with too much of this and that. I’m not really scared like I was. Before I was like noooo and really scared that I was literally having my own death sentence. It just seems like ea ting differently, doing more or exercising a whole lot more. I just haven’t really took cancer as serious as I should be. I mean I know a lot of women die each year but I’m not going to let it run my life to the point where I’m not even LIVING and just thinking about dying all the time. I don’t think this way all the time. I get scared. I’m not going to lie or deny it. I’m just saying that I believe things happen for a reason. I’m not at all upset for what has happened to me because I know with my complete faith in God that I’ll be okay no matter what. I mean I’ve seen and done almost everything. I can’t have kids but I can adopt. I won’t get married either so its kind of like I’m not a real Catholic follower. Okay not follower but not living as a true and pure follower with gas prices I don’t know a life long gambling problem. These are all besides the point though. I’m just saying that I’m happy and really okay. Or am I contradicting- damnit- I’m going off on a tantrum- what am I thinking. Oh in my faith knowing guardian angels watch over me, enjoy what I’ve done through my life and look forward to what’s to come next. I love my family, boyfriend and all my friends. Always have and always will.