FRIDAY & UNHAPPY March 22, 2005

Many ass moons since I’ve wrote to myself. Not much going on this Friday afternoon. David’s working with Ben next door trying to put up a deck I think its more exhausting doing nothing gat all than doing a lot of things at once. I’ve been laying in bed for hours now not really doing much. My mind is far from excited and happy. I’m being caved in by myself. I’m cementing my core soul from living and experiencing . I used to love a lot of things but lately I’m having a hard time going back to things I enjoy. There are no goals in my future. I seem so very helpless now. There are no answers to questions of helplessness and hopelessness I feel. Am I happy? Will I be happy? Were you ever happy? Why you sad? What the hells wrong with you? Cheer up you stupid ass hole!! L