HOW DO YOU HONESTLY PERCEIVE YOURSELF? June 21, 2005

Well I see myself as quite the non-socialist type. I’m not much of a talker and get on the phone talk for hours type. I can and have in the past. Its just that lately I don’t want to depress anyone with my annoying/depressing stories. Anyways, I believe myself to be somewhat friendly and easy to get along with. I tend to bitch and whine to get something I want. I find this strategy quite useful. It can be rather manipulative too. I’m not much of a go out and meet type of person. Getting to know everyone isn’t my cup of tea. I’d rather focus on those I love and know now. I think that’s more important. I don’t need an abundance of so called friends to make myself feel better. I read people well. I know when one has common sense, no common sense, been hurt, stress in their life, down in the dumps or genuinely happy. Often I’m blind to other people as well. I’m not perfect. I said some people- not everyone. Sometimes people are real mysterious. Oops, I forgot to finish. I’m very insecure. I try not to show this but it comes out very obvious probably. I do enjoy being around others if they have common and logical sense. Otherwise, it’s very straining on me to be around them. I just get real annoyed, agitated, disturbed and frustrated. Being the lady I am, I don’t show this because its rude. Deep down though I make up excuses to leave social situations all the damn time. It’s very mean, silly and ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, I am a likeable person- its just that I’m so particular about friends- and meeting new people. Oh hell, I don’t know. I guess I’m just too damn bitchy and judgmental I guess. Now, when I first see someone I like to imagine them as a genuinely good person or possessing some aspects at least. Now, when I get to know them better I sense that their puzzle is missing some pieces. Its ignorance really- most people don’t know better because they were never really taught. With all this said- I see myself as an over thinker who thinks too damn much. Its an illness really. Actually, its not just me. Americans obsess about looks, personalities and characters. So you can’t say I’m alone on this. Shit, where am I going with this? Hmm…okay I guess I’m just trying to say that I judge too quickly, judge books by their cover, over analyze others too much, think the worst about others and really impatient. I was raised better than to just automatically judge. I’ve just matched certain people with certain characteristics. Oh you could call it a way generalized stereotyping too. Now, that isn’t any better. Its like saying all Indians are gay. I guess you could say I know from certain physical features what some people are possible like or will be like. That’s just a generalization now. This is how I perceive SOME, not ALL people. Damn, give me a break. I always just assume. I was once told to never assume anything. Not like I’m alone here. Everyone has their own click/thing of how they read/see other people. Gawd, now my perception of myself seems rather selfish. I’m not that way at all. You treat me with respect then I’ll do the same. It’s rare that people are idiots- so basically out of six billion- most of them are okay. Overall, I’d say I’m cute, cuddly- not, I’m boring, no I’m plane Jane same as everyone else. No less, no better. I want a career, money, marriage, home and be happy. Also, I’d like to be superass passionate in making money and give back to the community and the world.