To me, I’ve always tried to be reasonably fit and healthy. Lately though, its been like pulling teeth for me to even take a breezy walk. I think to some weird degree I’m just so depressed and down. Oh and a little antisocial. I just hate to see people out when I’m walking. I just really, really hate it. Yeah I’m working on getting me a treadmill to get walking. Now the whole weight thing. I’m rather obese for someone my height and weight. I never really ate carefully. My boyfriend has always been on my back how I need to lose weight, I need to go walking, I need to socialize. I need to go out more. This and that. Gawd before my cancer, I was even a miserable drag then. I hardly did exercise in Everett either. Too many fucking people around. I just can’t take it. At moms house I can go for a nice walk and never have anyone go by. Maybe a car but that’s it. Its just getting too congested. Oh anyways. Weight is important to maintain and control for health reasons. I mean I’m 207 and got breast cancer. That says a little about obesity. Not much though. In this vanity driven United States, women (men too!) are pressured to look their best. They’ll spend billions in surgery, make-up, hair products, aging products, fitness stuff, diet pills, fashion clothes and ads. I believe whatever a person feels most comfortable with- go with it. As you age though this becomes less of an issue. I’m not out to impress like I used to. Now I want comfortability. Overweight people are discriminated against and looked down upon. So its very difficult and depressing for obese people like me. Its not so bad for me though. I don’t have too many complaints. I went shopping with my boyfriends sister and she’s got some serious weight issues. In the past she was bulimic. We were in Lane Bryant’s store which is a woman’s department store for heavy women and she’s holding up some hugeass panties to make herself feel better. She’s holding them up high saying OH MY GAWD…THESE ARE SO BIG!! Only I sensed her insecurity and her being the petite skinny thing though would never be seen without heavy me in there too. I can tell it was a struggle for her though. It was both sad and pathetic at the same time. It was a little jealousy too. I’m proud to be big and beautiful. Men know it too and she knows that she made an attempt to try to make me feel fat. Didn’t work though.
Its people like that who make our society what it is today. I mean I know butt loads of obese people who are just as happy as 98 pound anorexics or bulimic people. Weight can be a life long struggle for many young adults and adults themselves. I’ve noticed that when I used to eat I’d feel guilty afterwards. Now that I have cancer I eat guilty free and actually enjoy to the very last bite because life is too damn short. I really haven’t set up any type of exercise regime yet. I know I want a treadmill and some exercise dumbbells. I also sleep a lot. I need to change my sleeping pattern. Ummm. I need to cook more too! I need to make my own nutritious meals and not have so much microwave able goods. I don’t think that’s really good. These three key factors are very important to me living a long and healthy life. For others out there who are obese, I empathize to the n’th degree. I’ve had my moments of eating out all the time then feeling like a huge whale after doing so.
I only watch the weight/ exercise shows on TV and don’t actually participate. I know how that goes too. Being perfect in our society will never happen. What we seek as a genuine person is key to finding a nice soul mate. Going beyond looks and knowing the person is rather reasonable and realistic. Happens all the time. I think sex is the key too in having lasting relationships. If you’re both comfortable around each other and not weirded out then you can last. What matters is you two finding each other as one and not two separate bodies that are not in to each other. So overall, weight to me is a number you can change to your liking and what makes you comfortable, lively, energetic, healthy and happy. Overall, are you happy with yourself? If you are then you’re one step above all others.
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