These were my emotional roller coaster years (2004-2005) of breast cancer, metastatic type 4. It went to the left pelvic bone, the liver and different parts of the body. The right side of the breast is the main area of my cancer. You can tell I’m not all that medically knowledgeable to the point where I’m not an expert. You hear horror story after another, women with your type of breast cancer live 2-4 years. I feel fortunate to have even be here really. Plus, you hear women with this type of breast cancer don’t live too long because of the type I have and it goes on and on. I tend not to read much because they’re all so depressing to me. It only adds to the intensity and terror you’re already facing so I don’t waste my time. I was told to read EVERYTHING about my cancer and be aware. I never did. I honestly never did. I didn’t want to drown myself with the horror of knowing that statistically I have only a year left. No thanks. I know the basics and that’s it.
Now, I just keep my all my cancer in the hands in God and that’s good enough for me. I’ve always had a strong faith in God knowing he’s by my side at all times and I only keep my health in his hands now. If he wants me to join him in heaven with all the other angels, then so be it. For right now, I’m happy and divulge in everything as much as I can. My poems are not about breast cancer itself but stresses people have, the world as many see or perceive it and the very powerful connection to God who is truly and honestly the beginning and the end. He is my strength and power of everyday.
There are endless accounts of peoples stories of how they got out of their lows and some of them are inspiring. That’s what my story is about. They are about earths cycle of how you loved, struggled, suffered, helped another or finding God for once in your life or found him again. Finding some sanity and peace of mind is hard to find when you’re looking in the wrong direction. Following someone else’s plan of how you think you want to be doesn’t always work out. You thought you wanted to be like your friend who drank, did drugs, slept around, stole or be like the ridiculous movie stars you envy as young adults. Or even worse you were ridiculed as a young adult because of your holy beliefs in God and not doing those other so-called cool things. Either way you get confused.
The following journal is my own and how I grew up spiritually. I was rather immature and didn’t use all my common sense in the past. Today, I am a completely different person who loves and forgives with all my heart. I have asked for Gods forgiveness of who I was and he forgives. If you ask you truly do receive. Miracles and coincidences are no accident. Things happen for a reason. Fate is beautiful.
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